 |
| Cindy Jacobs: God is killing birds and fish because you're bumping purses and butt humping. |
You knew it was just a matter of time.
I'm sure you've heard all these stories about birds falling from the sky, fish and crabs dying on the shores. Scientists have had their own ecological explanations for the deaths, which they say aren't at all rare in history.
But why should we listen to scientists or search for evidence when we have prophets with a direct line to nobodaddy in our midst?
Evangelical Christian and certified gay exorcist Cindy Jacobs says that all of the strange deaths can be attributed to the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell (DADT). Jehovah is, apparently, fighting mad not because the U.S. military is engaged in wars that kill untold numbers of innocent men, women and children every day, but because some of you soldiers are kissing people who have the same equipment as you do. And I'm not talking about M-16 rifles. Or maybe I am. Some of you might be blessed.
In any event, this is what she said:
Let’s talk about this Arkansas pattern and say, could it be a pattern? But the blackbirds fell to the ground in Beebe, Arkansas. Well the Governor of Arkansas' name is Beebe. And also, there was something put out of Arkansas called 'Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell' by a former Governor, this was proposed, Bill Clinton. As so, could there be a connection between this passage [Hosea 4] and now that we've had the repeal of the 'Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,' where people now legally in the United States have broken restraints with the Scripture because the Scripture says in Romans 1 that homosexuality is not allowed.
Y'all done did it now.
But, you might be able to save yourself from the wrath of the Gigantic Magical Invisible Flying Sky Daddy. Apparently, if Jacobs can't save you, Jehovah can be bribed:
During an evangelical conference in 2008, Jacobs conducted a mass exorcism of the audience to cast out the spirits of pornography, addiction, lust, bisexuality, homosexuality, and perversion. In another event in Texas in November, she claimed that if Latinos voted for candidates who opposed gay marriage, then God would reward them with immigration reform.
And there you have it.
There's almost nothing to say when you hear crackpots like this speak. And anyone who wears shiny purple leopard print can, in my opinion, be categorized as a crackpot. Other than laugh hysterically, all you can do is say, "Oh word?"
And then keep it moving.