What do
you do when you cannot be your gay self and you are forced to accept the decrepit
abyss around you called masculinity by hetero men?
The hetero man’s idea about being a man is not varied in the
least bit and they are not about accepting the debilitating evaluation of the
male potential by accepting the gay man on his terms. I know some would say, that
isn’t fair to gay/straight relationships
that work, but those are far few and in-between. I speak to the gay/straight relationship where the gay is pushed to dance with a female, spank the stripper on her ass or
indulge in a conversation where men talk  about women they want to get with.

For what it's worth, I've always held the notion that one day we
as men will realize that we are all the same yet different; and that homosexuality
will no longer come @ the expense of manhood, but until that day…I don’t pretend
to be anyone other than me and I’ve been told by others they weren’t sure if I am
gay or not. I guess in the over all scheme of things, we still have the same
masculine tendencies; however I think we gay men are MORE balanced. Therefore in the spirit of
 MALE unity and with all due respect to the
male gender, I submit that it is absolutely amazing how so MANY of us gullibly accept something simply because it exists.

Unfortunately a large segment of gay men will embrace and put
their energy into a male bonding with a ‘straight’
man without ever really analyzing the impact, for better or for worse, it may
have upon them and their posterity for generations to come. We cannot seriously
do irrelevant activities or believe that if we are a certain way with the ‘straight’ men we keep company with that
it will somehow lead to the forgetfulness of our homosexuality. Tell me: how can we find our way home by forgetting
how we got to where we are now? How can we find our way home without figuring
out how we got lost in the first place?

I do
not have gay male pride although I am gay, male and prideful; I believe we MUST take accountability for manhood on
an individual AND collective level. As
the world evolves, I believe it is time to retool what we feel a man is. I find
it impossible to take pride in being ‘straight’
because it is not something that I worked for and I get that it is the
same for hetero men. However, we all need to find a way to be SECURE in our existence. I can stand
behind any movement that celebrates diversity but find it strange that we cannot/will not find a way to
this thing we call masculinity.