women relinquish all personal rights/in the presence of a man/who apparently cd be considered a rapist/especially if he has been considered a friend/& is no less worthy of bein beat witin an inch of his life/bein publicly ridiculed/havin two fists shoved up his ass/than the stranger/we always thot it wd be/who never showed up/cuz it turns out the nature of rape has changed/we can now meet them in circles we frequent for companionship/we see them at the coffeehouse/wit someone else we know/we cd even have em over for dinner/& get raped in our own houses/by invitation - Ntozake Shange, "latent rapists"
This is what happens when we value masculinity over femininity and degrade women in order to be men. This is what happens when manhood is defined in opposition to womanhood:
From the Guardian:
More than one in three South African men questioned in a survey admitted to rape, the latest evidence in the country of a violent culture of patriarchy.
Researchers found that more than three in four men said they had perpetrated violence against women.
Nearly nine in 10 men believe that a woman should obey her husband – and almost six in 10 women also agreed with the statement.
South Africa has one of the highest rates of rape in the world. Last year a survey by the Medical Research Council (MRC) found that 28% of men in Eastern Cape and KwaZulu-Natal provinces said they had raped a woman or girl.
A new MRC study in Gauteng, the country's wealthiest province, found that 37.4% of men admitted having committed a rape, while 25.3% of women said they had been raped.
The survey questioned 511 women and 487 men, of whom 90% were black and 10% white.
Rachel Jewkes of the MRC said: "We see a situation where the use of violence is so widespread that not only is it seen as being legitimate but I think quite often women forget it. They just see it as a normal effect."
Jewkes cited her survey's findings on gender attitudes. Although both largely agreed that "people should be treated the same whether they are male or female", 86.7% of men and 57.9% of women also endorsed the statement that "a woman should obey her husband".
Some 53.9% of men and 29.8% of women agreed that "a man should have the final say in all family matters", while 37.3% of men and 23.2% of women supported the view that "a woman needs her husband's permission to do paid work".
Asked about sexual entitlement in marriage, only 55% of both men and women said they thought "it is possible for a woman to be raped by her husband". Some 38.7% of men and 29.3% of women thought that "a woman cannot refuse to have sex with her husband" and 22.3% of men and 8.8% of women felt that "if a wife does something wrong, her husband has the right to punish her".
The survey also found that 32% of men and women agreed that "in any rape case, one would have to question whether the victim is promiscuous", while 20.1% of men and 15.6% of women said that "in some rape cases, women want it to happen".
Jewkes said: "What we see here is a set of attitudes reflecting men's views that they are legitimate in the use of violence against women, and women in many respects acquiescing to this."